“Wilfred Quotes”
I am putting together this list of 100
Wilfred quotes to keep you busy until the Wilfred costume arrives. Every Thursday when I flip on FX and watch Wilfred on TV there are certain lines that get stuck in my head.
I have also done some research and found quotes from the Australian version of Wilfred that are pretty funny, and I wanted to share them with you in this post.
If you have not seen the Wilfred Australian episodes then you have to watch them!
I downloaded the entire season 1 from Amazon for only $8.99 and it came with 8 episodes ($1.12 per episode), but you can also download the individual episodes for $1.99 each if you don’t want to watch the entire season.
Click Here to Download Wilfred Australian Episodes or Get a Free Preview of Each One
Anyway, let’s get down to the fun stuff shall we?
America’s favorite pot smoking dog has a lot of funny stuff to say, and I am going to give it all to you right here in this list of 100 Wilfred quotes!
Note: These quotes are not put in any particular order. I am only listing the ones that are stuck in my head first and then listing the ones that I found while doing some research after that. Also, depending on when you look at this list it might not be complete (Be patient I’m working on it! 
).
One more thing…These quotes are rated TV MA for mature audiences! So, if you are a kid and don’t like reading “bad words” BEAT IT!
100 Wilfred Quotes
Wilfred Quotes 1-10
1) “Its time for you to stop playing ball with them, and start playing ball with me”
2) “Hey poochy poo…PISS OFF!!!!”
3) “Ya gotta cough to get off”
4) “Tugga dugga dugga dugga”
5) “Why is the sky gray? Why is the grass gray? Why is a rainbow gray, gray, gray, gray, gray, and infragray?”
6) “Hooked up with little piece outside 7,11!!!”
7) “Dont call me darling…GET OFF MY FUCKING PROPERTY!”
8 ) “Bet you thought this was going to be an easy gig”
9) “Just knock off little momma and kick me off the bed”
10) “WELL IT DON’T WORK LIKE THAT FELLA!”
Wilfred Quotes 11-20
11) “Right, because that’s all I’m good for…fetching things”
12) “MY GOD YOUR CLICHES MAKE ME SICK!”
13) “Ask not what you can do for them..but what they can do you!!!”
14) “1/16th Dingo”
15) “Im Gonna Miss That Cunt…”
16) “Bitches, man.”
17) “I can glean everything I need to know about a person by his ass. People say that the eyes are the window of the soul; they couldn’t be more wrong.”
18) “This little Shitzu, she tries to lick me bits and pieces, so i says, easy on Tigress i can do that myself when i get home!”
19) “Any of you Cunts seen the Shawshank Redemption?”
20) “…he borders on capable.”
Wilfred Quotes 21-30
21) “The grass down here taste like shit, and the shit tastes like grass”
22) “It’s like those baby killers say, my body, my choice”
23) “What are you a Golden Retriever, What do you care what other people think?”
24) “Whoa…You said we were going for a walk, a walk Ryan, a walk by definition means no destination”
25) “You mean like community service…That’s for drunk drivers and wife beaters!”
26) “Can’t eat cheese…can’t inject morphine…is there anything I can do Ryan?”
27) “C’mon let’s get stoned and then…go home and get stoned!”
28) “I guess what I’m trying to say is…I’m very, very, HIGH!”
29) “Don’t deny yourself Ryan…Enjoy it…Enjoy ME!”
30) “Maybe you should go back to where you came from…Right over there, where you were standing, before you came over here!”
Wilfred Quotes 31-40
31) “You can run but you can’t hide…but you can’t really run either can ya?”
32) “PISS OFF I”M WORKING!”
33) “I’m just doing God’s work Mate…and a lot more efficiently I must say”
34) “You hear that Ryan? I’m gonna be a TV star, I’m gonna start working on a catch phrase”
35) “So, the question isn’t what does Ryan want…It’s What would Wilfred do?”
36) “I’ll let you in on a little secret Ryan, I haven’t got a God complex, I AM GOD!”
37) “Ok Ryan, I don’t want you to get mad here…but I’m guilty…of kindness…and…Killing an old lady!”
38) “Well I once did a shit a metre long…Unbroken!”
39) “Oh and if you see the post man, tell that cunt I want a word with him”
40) “What’s your fucking name? I’m Wilfred, means much peace”
Wilfred Quotes 41-50
41) “Oh, I did it, cause I’m a dog right? I can only imagine what you’d say if I was black!”
42) “Ryan, it’s me” Ryan: “What’s wrong?” “Back ta back ta back ta back ta back orgasms, that’s what’s wrong!”
43) “I’m so emasculated I can’t even raise the fence post for stupid ole’ Bear.”
44) “Ryan, here’s my opinion, we put Drew’s hand in a cup of warm water, then just as he starts to pee himself we take a rock and crush his skull!”
45) “Baking…Chemistry…Ping Pong…I guess my question is, How were you not blow jobbed to death by the entire cheerleading squad?
46) “I thought you said you were good! I’ve seen more aggressive ball play in the airport men’s room. Get your head in the game!”
47) “That…was…AWESOME!”
48) “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go tear a new asshole in the back of Bear’s neck!”
49) “That…was..HILARIOUS! Ha Ha Ha Ha!”
50) “Shut up and go make yourself a sandwich, I’m hungry!”
Wilfred Quotes 51-60
51) “If it’s any constellation, I promise not to try to kill you again.”
52) “I know what will cheer you up. Bear, c’mere, I want you to meet my friend, Ryan.”
53) “Jobs are for immigrants!”
54) “I’m just a gangster Ryan! You knew that about me before we set up the board.”
55) “Thanks to you, I’m going to town on the deepest throat in the Animal Kingdom!”
56) “You can’t have dinner without inner, as in…get up inher.”
57) “Nicely done Ryan, you make the easy way sound like a bloody curse!”
58) “Hey, do you mind, we’re having a conversation here you adorable little piece of shit!”
59) “Dude, check out the look Raffie’s giving me. Girl’s a FREAK!”
60) “You have a choice to make, it’s eat or be eaten.”
Wilfred Quotes 61-70
61) “This must be some kind of a record, I’m an idiot for not timing this.”
62) “You were stoned out of your mind Ryan, perhaps you found the animal within.”
63) “I’m getting too old for this shit! I think it might be time for me to settle down and make a commitment…I’m 7…and a half.”
Add Your Own Wilfred Quotes
That is my list of 100 Wilfred quotes. Did I leave some out? Knowing me I probably did. If you want to add some of your own feel free to leave a comment at the bottom of the page. I will publish your quotes so the whole world can see!
Filed Under: Wilfred Quotes
